Excerpt of Terri's book in the works: Is That My Light at the End of the Tunnel?
Tunnel I – Self Actualization to Self Absorption
“…..you can’t always get what you want…”
The Rolling Stones
Self-actualization: “…involves the actualization of that portion of experience symbolized in the self (Rogers, 1959), which emphasizes “the need for….positive self-regard” (Maddi, 1996).
Self-absorbed (adj.): engrossed, involved, lost, immersed; in, on, for, or relating to oneself (the Oxford Dictionary, second edition)
We were the first “coddled” generation across economic strata – no generation before us has experienced such a majority of its members, from all economic backgrounds, experiencing more opportunities and consistently better lifestyles than that of their parents, as did we. We were raised to believe that we deserve better than our parents, and by golly, we agreed! But we took the concept a little too far, and then unwittingly taught our children to take it even further. And, without most of us being consciously aware of it, it all began with self-actualization….
Once upon a time, we were determined to shift from the unfulfilling, unenlightened ways of our parents such as:
In the 1980’s, our maturing- to mature-adult years (20’s to 40’s), we were lovingly dubbed the “me” generation – and we wore it well - to the point that eventually nothing was ever good enough. Getting all that we wanted became our goal to the exclusion of other somewhat important things, like, oh:
So, as our revelation of self-actualization of the 60’s and 70’s became the “me” centered 80’s, we in turn spawned such novel and endearing qualities as ‘customer service’ that more closely resembled Dorothy’s encounters with the Wicked Witch, a grossly diminished ability to have civil discourse on important issues, the accumulation of ever more material things accompanied by a significant down-turn in meaningful social connectedness (from neighbors knowing and supporting each other to participation in service organizations), the introduction of white collar crime on a large scale, rudeness as the new chic, and Reaganomics (my personal favorite – taxing unemployment; “let’s make the little people pay taxes even when the don’t have a job!” - and he wasn’t even from our generation!).
As it turns out, we discovered in the 70’s that actualization wasn’t going to be found through sex and lots of it (bummer…), in the 80’s that actualization came and went with each line of coke or new deal (since you’re only as good as your last successful one), and in the 90’s that our kids weren’t going to somehow magically make up for all the disappointments we felt once we realized that we were in fact not the center of the universe, while too often forgetting to make them the center of ours in a healthy way.
Oooops! Now what do we do with all that debt, all those ‘things’ we’ve accumulated with little substance, those extra pounds to go along with the two divorces, and kids who are more self-absorbed than we are, finding themselves ill-prepared to truly take care of themselves let alone their kids (for the older Boomers)?
Well, we Boomers found a solution, and it works extremely well – read on!
“…..you can’t always get what you want…”
The Rolling Stones
Self-actualization: “…involves the actualization of that portion of experience symbolized in the self (Rogers, 1959), which emphasizes “the need for….positive self-regard” (Maddi, 1996).
Self-absorbed (adj.): engrossed, involved, lost, immersed; in, on, for, or relating to oneself (the Oxford Dictionary, second edition)
We were the first “coddled” generation across economic strata – no generation before us has experienced such a majority of its members, from all economic backgrounds, experiencing more opportunities and consistently better lifestyles than that of their parents, as did we. We were raised to believe that we deserve better than our parents, and by golly, we agreed! But we took the concept a little too far, and then unwittingly taught our children to take it even further. And, without most of us being consciously aware of it, it all began with self-actualization….
Once upon a time, we were determined to shift from the unfulfilling, unenlightened ways of our parents such as:
- a focus on task completion vs. enjoyment of it (“I don’t care that beets make you gag, eat them anyway, they’re good for you…”), or;
- caring about what others think vs. what feels right to you (“…what will those total strangers think about that awful outfit you’re wearing?!”);
- much more self-fulfilling (“if I want it, I will have it!”), and;
- emphasizes enjoyment over necessity (“not only do you not need to eat those beets you hate, dear, but you don’t need to eat any vegetables, or real food at all for that matter!”).
In the 1980’s, our maturing- to mature-adult years (20’s to 40’s), we were lovingly dubbed the “me” generation – and we wore it well - to the point that eventually nothing was ever good enough. Getting all that we wanted became our goal to the exclusion of other somewhat important things, like, oh:
- dedicating the time needed to raise our kids well - you know, minor things like being home when they were, insisting that they age-appropriately earn what they get rather than just giving everything to them, cooking actual (and/or healthy) meals and sitting together as a family to eat them, and fully participating in both their schools and schooling - which we couldn’t possibly fit into our schedule, taken up by all those hours we work so we can have 5 over-extended credit cards, 4 TV’s, 3 computers, 2 well-loaded automobiles, and, what the heck, that partridge and that pear tree both of which will really wow our neighbors and friends at our next party to break-in the in-ground pool and the Forman grill…. Boomers were the founders of “latch-key kids”…(this does not apply to low-income families who must work 2 jobs to survive – interestingly, even with such economic limitations their children are generally better behaved and prepared for adulthood than those in the middle class and above to whom this bullet does apply)
- better yet, for some of us, raising our own kids at all….handling the tedious tasks of child-rearing is just not going to happen, what with the demands of our highly successful businesses, and after all, that is why God created au pairs, oui? (you may recall, this is something that a generation ago was relegated to the “rich brats” of the very wealthiest families – we have succeeded in bringing this charming trait into the midst of the “nouveau riche” to show that we can keep up…)
- volunteering even a few hours per week to make our communities and world a better place, which is just out of the question – volunteering, belonging to civic groups like the Lions, or taking time away from making a living is so “last generation”; we’ll just write a check…maybe…once we’ve bought that new set of clubs…
- voting.
So, as our revelation of self-actualization of the 60’s and 70’s became the “me” centered 80’s, we in turn spawned such novel and endearing qualities as ‘customer service’ that more closely resembled Dorothy’s encounters with the Wicked Witch, a grossly diminished ability to have civil discourse on important issues, the accumulation of ever more material things accompanied by a significant down-turn in meaningful social connectedness (from neighbors knowing and supporting each other to participation in service organizations), the introduction of white collar crime on a large scale, rudeness as the new chic, and Reaganomics (my personal favorite – taxing unemployment; “let’s make the little people pay taxes even when the don’t have a job!” - and he wasn’t even from our generation!).
As it turns out, we discovered in the 70’s that actualization wasn’t going to be found through sex and lots of it (bummer…), in the 80’s that actualization came and went with each line of coke or new deal (since you’re only as good as your last successful one), and in the 90’s that our kids weren’t going to somehow magically make up for all the disappointments we felt once we realized that we were in fact not the center of the universe, while too often forgetting to make them the center of ours in a healthy way.
Oooops! Now what do we do with all that debt, all those ‘things’ we’ve accumulated with little substance, those extra pounds to go along with the two divorces, and kids who are more self-absorbed than we are, finding themselves ill-prepared to truly take care of themselves let alone their kids (for the older Boomers)?
Well, we Boomers found a solution, and it works extremely well – read on!